Tuesday, 18 June 2013

My Instagram life

I sometimes joke with my husband and friends that I'd quite like to live my Instagram life. Its a world were life is pretty, i go to lots of nice places, i craft, i make delicious meals and cakes! It's idyllic!

I am not saying I don't do these thing, I do go to lots of nice places and walks and take pictures of amazing views and pretty things I see, I do like making things and even though I do say so myself I do make delicious meals and cakes!!

But I do make a conscious effort not to put anything that on that would sully my lovely photo feed.

 If I take a picture of somewhere in my house, its sometimes staged, I keep out any clutter, only taking photos of the parts of the house (which is very few) that I am happy with.

When I post pictures of crafts that I do you don't see the constant turmoil of balancing the things I have to do e.g. housework and the things I want to do, how do people do it??  

 It looks to the Instagram follower looking at my photo feed that our house is nice, it seems we live in a lovely area because of the photos that I take of taking the dog for a walk to the country park that's just down at the bottom of our street...sounds beautiful doesn't it....looks beautiful from the photographs, meadows, woods, a stream running through, a wooden bridge, wildlife and birds aplenty.

In real life it is beautiful, but its right next to a council estate (on the other side of the river I might add!!) and the residents who think its a dumping ground and a place to come and enjoy the sun - by all means but then they leave cans and litter lying around and thrown into the stream. It annoys me obviously they like it there because as soon as the sun is out they are there in droves, but they leave their mess as if its not their responsibility to pick it up! It makes me sound like a snob I am a bit I suppose but only because I feel so strongly about it, its a beautiful place which should be enjoyed by all but there are people who just want to spoil that. Anyway rant over.. needless to say I don't have any photos of shopping trolleys or sofas that are dumped in the stream from time to time!
          Not a shopping trolley in sight!!

When I was joking with a friend about this she said " yeah but why would you take a picture of that??, you're not going to show the parts of your life that you hate".

And shes right when I post a picture on Instagram I want people to see me and my life in a good light I don't want them to see the messy, lazy, emotional side of me I want them to see the creative, happy, motivated side of me and that's OK, isn't it?

It is.

And here's why.

Sometimes life can be rubbish, I mean really, really crap, sometimes I  feel so sad and bitter if  I'm being honest of not being 'normal', not having that what others take for granted, the fact we can't have children, the fact that money is a big issue in not carrying on with IVF, the fact that in order to have the last IVF we had unfunded we had to do an egg share which meant that my half my eggs went to someone else and that was because we couldn't afford to pay more.The fact that bad, really horrible people (see Jeremy Kyle.. the show not him although thinking about it maybe him too!) can have not one but bucket loads of children but me and Matthew who would have been A-ma-zing parents can't. The fact that we don't socialise with other people because most people we know, our age, have kids and are busy with them.
 I don't talk about it because people don't talk about things like that and you try to be strong because whats the alternative? You let it consume your life and spoil the things that are good.
I have to remind myself daily to focus on the good in my life and things that I am thankful for Matthew, Max, my family, my house, my job, the time we spend together the things we do and see, so in some way  my  I suppose that's just what I do on Instagram - focus on the good because it makes me feel better.

And its cheaper than therapy.

Thank you for reading xxx

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